Transcript
0:00If you could give a single girl some dating advice what would you say to her? How old?
0:05Let’s say she’s like 21. Oh 21 [ __ ]. Just bang them all! Bang them all. Because men are
0:15so immature that you’re not going to… you’re not going to lock anyone down… you’re… don’t,
0:21don’t even start thinking yet about the husband stuff. But I will say, bang dudes quietly. Don’t
0:29tell everybody. Shut the [ __ ] up about it. Just go do your business. Bang girls, bang guys, bang [ __ ] dogs, trans, whatever you want. But keep an eye out for the good ones in your college. Uhhuh. You know what I’m saying, like keep the solid dudes in your back pocket.
0:46Like befriend them but don’t [ __ ] them or date them or nothing until you’re kind of like older and you’re ready to like settle down with a boy. And then call that that guy up, like that one you had your eyes on and I’ll be like “what’s up”? There will be some people who think that that was good advice. If what she’s saying is true, it sounds like there’s absolutely no downside to it.
1:09And if people are willing to go along with it, why not just use different people for different purposes at different times in life? But there’s one big inescapable problem with all of this:
1:20Every action has consequences. Our ideas become our thoughts. Our thoughts become our actions. Our actions become our habits. And our habits become who we are. If you’re living your life chasing short-term gratification and short-term adventure, you’re unlikely to ever develop the sort of mental framework you need to be able to endure through the peaks and troughs, good times and dry spells, of a romantic relationship. And maybe some people end up being able to hit the brakes and stop just in time, but most people aren’t able to judge that before they get there. And you need to stop well before you get there to be ready. For both men and women the more sexual partners we have before marriage, the less happy we are likely to be during that marriage. Likewise the more sexual partners someone has the more likely they are to be unfaithful during marriage. Data from the US General Social Survey found that the number of lifetime sexual partners in women who cheated on their husbands was 2.3 times higher than those who did not. If we break this down further, compared with women who only had one sexual partner in their life, women with 2 to 4 sexual partners were six times more likely to cheat, 5 to 10 partners were 9.47 times more likely, 11 to 20 Partners were 14 times more likely and those with more than 20 Partners were 16 times more likely
2:40to cheat. Even ignoring the huge part of the other side, the men, and what they might think of this,
2:46what part of this sounds like a good idea? Someone telling you that promiscuity is all pro
2:52and no cons, is lying to you. If you’re the girl willing to bang them all, you’ll get attention
2:59but not many men will be taking you seriously. Men don’t care about a woman’s sexual past,
3:05unless he loves her, and wants to see her and her sexual expression and receptiveness and
3:10response as special. Then it matters a lot. It’s important to be very selective as a woman because
3:18men have all a very understandable, but from a woman’s perspective extremely frustrating,
3:25double standard with respect to female chastity. Chastity is something that they would highly prize
3:31in a wife and don’t want to see anything in a casual lover. And there’s also the problem of
3:37supply. While there are a lot of men willing to have sex with most women, there aren’t always a
3:41lot of men willing to commit to a relationship and there are some who leave it too late or at
3:47least until they’re in a much weaker position. The dating market is like the job market,
3:51which is like any market. Those with the qualities that make them the highest in demand are able to
3:56decide where they end up. There are of course exceptions just like there are some people who
4:01smoke their whole lives but somehow never get cancer or never get heart disease. But
4:06the exceptions don’t prove the rule. A woman planning to call that guy up when she’s ready,
4:11expecting him to be available and waiting for her may very well find out that he is
4:16no longer available. Maybe he liked her at one point, but saw that she wasn’t interested in
4:21building something long-term. And if he had any sense of self-worth, he would have moved
4:25on and found someone who was. While sex is cheap and plentiful good long-term partners,
4:31with good habits and values, are hard to find. And well you snooze, you lose. Related to this,
4:38out of every 10 women who end up without children, only 1 of them decided from the
4:42start that she didn’t want to have them. Another 1 of them discovered that she was unable to. Which
4:47leaves 8 out of 10 childless women who thought that they would have children, but in reality it
4:53never happened. Opportunities cannot be taken for granted. Good partners who can be good parents are
5:00rare. And again, you snooze, you most probably lose. So doesn’t the older woman in this video
5:08know better? Why do some older women give advice like this to younger women? Well because while
5:14older men see themselves in the lives of younger men, older women see themselves AS younger women
5:20and in competition with younger women. And women in general are much more covertly competitive than
5:25men. A study published in January this year found that women, when put in the hypothetical scenario
5:31of having to advise how much hair a woman should cut off, they were more likely to recommend that
5:36those other women go for shorter haircuts. Because they knew that that would sabotage
5:41the competition. We see the same thing in the body positivity movement. If her friends are fatter,
5:46they’re less likely to get attention, so that means more for her. So she will encourage that
5:51behavior while pretending to be on their side. And this isn’t exclusive to women. I had a male
5:57friend once who advised me against dating girl, pretending to have my best interests at heart,
6:02whereas in fact he just wanted to date her. But I think that this covert rivalry is much more common
6:09among women. Men are much more likely to be open about their competitiveness. As with all advice be
6:16careful who you listen to. Sometimes misery just loves company. The comedian Bill Burr once said
6:22that no man is ever honest with women because they’re too busy trying to [ __ ] them. This is
6:27why fathers and brothers are so important in the lives of women. They are perhaps the only men who
6:32are not interested sexually, and so they can give a male perspective without a hidden agenda. In any
6:39case, find the pros and cons in each possible decision. Anyone who tells you that something
6:45doesn’t have any downsides, is lying to you. I hope this message was helpful see you next time.
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